When I was a cute, gap-toothed seven-year-old with a mullet and crooked bangs, I struggled with writing the alphabet, putting shapes together, drawing figures and coloring inside the lines. According to my early childhood report cards, I was disorganized, scattered, and didn’t know when to stop talking. During class I often wrote silly rhymes, then got a thrill from scribbling on the chalkboard when the classroom was empty.
Little did I know I’d have so much fun breaking similar rules later on in life. But not until after I’d tortured myself trying to be the perfectly scrupulous, model straight-A goody-two shoes in Catholic high school and college.
After many private learning struggles, major career changes and dark nights of crushing depression, I was shocked to discover in my late twenties and early thirties how much I just wanted permission to make a mess with paint and accept the chaotic beauty of every abstract thought that came to mind. I was compelled to unleash various parts of my soul in paper notebooks, on canvas, and on my digital tablet. I have not stopped. It has profoundly changed me for the better. Creativity is not just a hobby. It’s my life.
If you want to know a few secrets about me, here goes: I am a painfully sensitive soul with a wicked sense of humor and a wild esophageal scream-laugh when I think something’s genuinely hilarious. Despite the increasing number of silver hairs (which I love), I haven’t really grown up, I hope I never do, and I’m not sorry about it! Wapoosh! That feels so liberating to say. If someone says to me, “Why doesn’t she just grow up,” I want my instant response to be, “No! Why don’t you just grow down!” Meaning, why not get in touch with your inner kid? Even for a day. See how it changes the way you look at life. A childlike sense of wonder will definitely change everything. As someone who’s suffered with OCD, ADHD, depression and attention issues all my life, I’m learning to focus on the stuff that brings me, and hopefully others, the joy of a child on Christmas morning without the need for all the toys unless they’re in some way contributing to my true happiness.
A totally imperfect work in progress who’s no greater or less than anyone else in this world, I am learning to accept my quirks while improving myself and honing my craft. I hope you can do the same, and I’m rooting for you each step of the way.
For a lifelong perfectionist like me, mixing paint and experimenting with colors, ideas, thoughts, words, designs, etc…is a way for me to continually connect with God and learn to let go of my need to get things “right” or follow a certain formula of what art should look like. I’ve been there, done that, and all it did was make me sick. This artwork is about spontaneity and attention to details I’m drawn to out of curiosity and desire. It’s the acknowledgment that if something is good enough for me, it’s good enough for all to see 🙂 “Good enough” means that I feel uplifted when I’m finished with a project, and that I want to share that feeling with everyone I know. I want us ALL to feel happy and powerful and energized and badass. We need each other. But true connection begins with sharing our truths even when it’s scary. Even when we feel vulnerable. Even when others may raise their eyebrows. And trust me, I’ve raised a few eyebrows before. I’m starting to be okay with that.
I mean, much of what we artists blurt out on a canvas behind the scenes is not considered beautiful by mainstream standards – but it’s still a very interesting, acceptable part of our soul and gives us deeper insight into our psyche. That’s so important! Some pieces we don’t want to see will go into the fire, and others will serve as wood for the fire within us. Hopefully these ones will light someone else’s creative fire, keep them warm and satisfy a deeper longing. Who knows! Maybe they won’t! Maybe they can just be art for art’s sake without having to have a meaning or purpose. That’s perfectly fine too. We need not have any expectations other than to consistently show up and carve out time to create.
We create out of a primitive, burning urge to heal our wounded egos, but also to connect with God, discover a new dimension of our souls, and share our stories with human beings who may instinctively observe, listen, smell, taste, feel and perhaps understand the truths we’ve been stifling for way too long.
Thank you for supporting this website just by being here. My mission is to somehow help others live boldly and authentically through unapologetic self-expression. I pray that you will feel joy and satisfaction in this life, and that you realize that you deserve more than anything to be your purest and truest self.
Here’s to my big signature, because I couldn’t figure out how to make it smaller. Maybe we were all born to speak our truths loudly in some way.